


Have I Told You Lately That I Love You? (No, Because You're a Pair of Idiots)

by JadelynTate



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy is Thor's Little Sister, Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, F/M, M/M, Multi, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Thor Is Not Stupid, like literally - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadelynTate/pseuds/JadelynTate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy has been claimed across the Nine Realms as the future King of Asgard's little sister. This has come with some unexpected and unwanted side effects...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have I Told You Lately That I Love You? (No, Because You're a Pair of Idiots)

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a drabble I was reading, where it was mentioned Thor was gone because he was dealing with the repercussions of him claiming Darcy as his sister—specifically, suitors for the sister of the next King of Asgard. I can’t recall exactly which one it was but when I do I will give it the proper due. Also, I I mentioned Tharginn and Salar from Damaged Defenders by Sherza because I couldn't find any canon names. It is an awesome fic and you should all go read it. Now. I'll wait. (Just remember to come back after you see it's awesomeness).

“You have _got_ to be kidding me.”

It was said with the general inflection of one who wasn’t just surprised but also seriously annoyed. Not that this was unusual in Darcy the last few weeks. Ever since Thor had been called away and came back with the news, she’d been adopting the tone almost non-stop. Steve would have felt bad but it was nice to see someone else having to deal with this particular annoyance.

And Bucky and Clint’s faces every time Thor came with something new was just downright hilarious. 

“Seriously, what the hell am I going to do with a fucking space ship?!” she exclaimed, staring at the monstrosity on the roof of Stark Tower. 

“She’s right,” Jane said, staring at the ship too, though her expression had a lot more humor in it than Darcy’s. Steve bit the inside of his cheek to keep from outright laughing at the scientists next words. “She can barely drive a regular car, she should not be given a space ship.” 

“For the last time, I never would have hit Thor if you hadn’t grabbed the wheel!” Darcy exclaimed, momentarily derailed. Behind her, like the big skulking shadow he tended to be with her, Bucky’s eyes danced in amusement at Darcy’s indignation, even as he scowled at the courting gift. Next to him, Clint looked torn between laughing and doing the same as Bucky. Darcy’s next words made the archer go with the former. “We wouldn’t have even met Thor if you hadn’t taken the wheel!” 

“Jesus take the wheel,” he choked out. He was ignored by everyone but Bucky, who elbowed him.

“And that’s a good thing?” Jane asked, eyebrows raised at her former intern. 

“Right now, yes! Yes it is!” 

“I told Heimdall to simply let me tell you of the gift instead of bringing it straight to you,” Thor sighed, shaking his head. Despite his words and tone, he too looked highly delighted by the entire affair. “I knew you would refuse it. But he is nothing if not traditional in the ways of courting. He insisted you must see it for yourself before refusing it, as is the way.” 

“He’s probably just getting as much entertainment out of this as we are and didn’t want to lose the show,” Bruce murmured in between Natasha and Steve. Both soldier and spy snickered. 

“Wait, wait, wait, we’re not sending it back!” Tony shouted from where he was already inside the ship. He popped back into view, looking absolutely scandalized. “It’s a spaceship! You can’t just send it back!”

Steve watched as Darcy narrowed her eyes at Stark. “Are you saying I should accept a courting from…who did you say this was from again?”

Thor’s lips twitched as he answered, “Sarginn of Svartalfheim, son of King Tharginn.”

“Right,” she said, looking distracted for a second at the thought of being courted by a prince. Bucky and Clint, Steve noticed in interest, where both firmly back to scowling. He smirked. Darcy shook it off and turned back to the wounded looking Stark. “You’re saying I should accept a courting gift from Sarginn simply because you want to tinker?” 

“Tinker?!” he shouted, completely outraged. “Darcy, honey, beautiful, Rabbit, rack of my life, this is a _spaceship_!” 

“What is he trying to get her to do now?” Pepper asked as she came up behind Steve just as Darcy started to lecture the scientist.

“How did you know he wanted something?” Steve asked, amused. He glanced at her just in time to see her roll her eyes.

“He’s trying to butter her up,” Pepper answered matter-of-factly. 

“Trying being the operative word, I think it backfired,” Bruce snickered. Steve glanced at the pair and found Darcy wasn’t just lecturing Stark about being more than a set of boobs anymore, she’d gone for outright smacking the genius. 

“And she wonders why half the nine realms wants to marry her,” he murmured lowly, eyes dancing as Bucky and Clint finally, after watching in satisfaction for several minutes, came to Stark’s rescue. Darcy continued ranting even as the two sharpshooters led her back into the tower, though not before she ordered Thor to get rid of the ship and offer her apologies to King Tharginn and his son. Before she’d even finished saying it, the bifrost activated and Heimdall took the ship back.

Tony whimpered. 

~~*~~

Sarginn, it seemed, wasn’t the last prince to attempt to court Thor’s self-proclaimed little sister. The nephew of Salar, king of Alfheim, attempted next. Darcy was about as impressed by the gifts of rubies and diamonds as she’d been about the ship. The clothes from a prince of Vanaheim tempted her, she did like the ren fair look, but she sent it all back too. A few more interested individuals sent things but apparently word had finally gotten out that Darcy was denying everyone. Less and less people were interested in attempting their luck with her, not matter her connection to Thor. 

Then Fandral stepped in. 

They were all in the common room, watching a movie for team bonding night, when the movie paused and JARVIS announced the arrival of the bifrost on the roof. Steve watched, amused, as Thor looked up in surprise.

“I was not expecting anyone,” he told the room at large. 

“It appears to be the Warriors Three and Lady Sif,” JARVIS said after a moment. Thor was up and out the door before he’d even gotten to the woman. Steve chuckled and stood, figuring he should find out if they would be needed. Sometimes the men and Sif came just for a visit but more often than not they had specifics in mind. Darcy and Jane didn’t even hesitate, following after Thor and talking excitedly about Hogun and Sif and if they needed to stock up for Volstagg’s appetite. 

“What’s up?” he heard Darcy say as he stepped out on the roof just behind her, shielding his eyes from the spotlights on the roof. JARVIS must have activated them, though why he thought they needed them Steve really didn’t know. Even up here, the light so the city provided enough light to see easily. 

Then he saw the group and forgot all about that, his body tensing. Hogan and Volstagg were both present, watching in amusement as Fandral spoke to Thor far to the side of the roof, heads bent in conference. Sif was standing stiffly, clearly annoyed by something. Her expression softened when she caught sight of Darcy and she gave a respectful nod of acknowledgement to Jane. 

“Lady Darcy, Lady Jane,” she greeted the women right before Volstagg did the same, though he picked Darcy up in a hug. When he finally dropped the giggling Avengers PR liaison, he turned to Jane and bent low before kissing her hand. Steve saw this only on the peripherally though because he was more interested in what had Thor looking so surprised and thoughtful as Fandral looked amused and determined.

“Hey, what’s this?” Bucky said suddenly and Steve snapped over to see him toe a pile of wrapped boxes. They were in the middle of the bifrost landing sight and didn’t look the least bit dislodged, further cementing Steve’s opinion Heimdall had made his one and only trip through the bifrost turbulent to test his mettle.

“Courting gifts for the admirable Lady Darcy,” Volstagg said loudly, eyes dancing. Off the side, Hogun’s lips twitched but he gave no other outward sign of his amusement. Sif caught his eye then and he was startled to see a slight smirk appear before she gave him a wink and went back to being stoic. He blinked, confused.

“Again?!” Darcy groaned, bringing his attention back to her. “From who?!”

“Me.” 

Steve’s mouth dropped open as he turned to see Fandral step forward, a familiar arrogance to his walk as he approached Darcy. Bucky, still next to the pile or presents, had gone alarmingly tense. Steve couldn’t see Clint, figured he was behind him, but he imagined the archer probably wasn’t happy either. Both of them really, really disliked Fandral; they thought him a pompous, arrogant ass with very little redeeming qualities. It wasn’t outright hate but it was pretty damn close. 

“…What?” Darcy asked faintly, staring as Thor moved off to the side, a satisfied smile on his face. 

“Lady Darcy, it has come to my attention that you are being courted by the nine realms, due to your connection to Thor as his adopted sister,” Fandral stated, stopping in front of the brunette. He wasn’t in his normal clothing for his visits to Earth, but in something a lot more…formal. His spine was straight and though he had the familiar confidence, Steve could detect something else he’d never seen in the warrior—nerves. 

“That’s not news,” Darcy said faintly. 

“No, I suppose not,” he acknowledged. “However, I would like to offer my petition.” 

Darcy’s eyes narrowed. “You want to court me,” she said, didn’t question. He nodded anyway. “Why?”

Steve glanced at Bucky in worry at this—she wasn’t outright denying him like she had the last poor schmuck who’d come to Midgard in person. She actually seemed to be giving him the benefit of the doubt. As he’d feared, Bucky was blank, watching the entire thing with absolutely no expression. Not a good sign.

“It is true you and I do not know one another as well as some,” Fandral began. “But I have long admired your bravery, wit, and beauty. And despite what you may think, courting is not an immediate precursor to marriage, particularly on Asgard. It sometimes takes centuries of courting before a couple actually marries.” 

“I don’t have centuries just to date,” she informed him. She still sounded slightly stunned but, again, she wasn’t outright dismissing him. That wasn’t good for Bucky and Clint and Steve really wished he could move to his friend’s side without drawing attention to either one of them. 

He looked slightly amused then. “I am aware, but if you wished it, I think I am in high enough favor with Prince Thor to ask him a boon of Idunn.” 

“One I would gladly grant,” Thor said immediately. His expression was soft as he stared down at Darcy. “Even if it had not been Fandral, I do not relish the thought of losing my little sister to old age before I am even grey myself.” 

Darcy’s expression melted a moment before she seemed to remember the matter of his friend. Se focused back on him. “But...you haven’t shown any real interest in me before, outside of the first time you came. Why now?” 

“I…” he looked lost for a moment, like he hadn’t expected that question. Steve saw Sif smirk slightly before she schooled her features again. Fandral finally seemed to pull himself back together. “May I be blunt?” 

“I really wish you would be, yes,” Darcy answered without hesitation. She was like that though, she preferred blunt honesty to pretty much anything else. 

“I know I am not ready to settle down so I will not lie and say I am,” he informed her. “And to be honest, this would benefit me as well as you.” 

“Okay, hold up,” she held up a hand. “How would it benefit us both?” 

“For me, I have a certain…reputation…in Asgard and it has come to my attention that this has actually caused me some problems,” he shifted uncomfortably and yes, Sif was definitely smirking now. “If it is thought that I am courting Thor’s younger sister, some of those problems will…die down a bit.” He winced. 

“Okay, I can see how that could help your manwhore reputation,” she said slowly and bluntly. He winced again but she pushed on. “But how would it help me?” 

“You would stop being courted by every eligible suitor in the nine realms,” he answered just as bluntly, probably hoping to make her as uncomfortable as she had him. Steve could have told him that wouldn’t work. Fandral continued. “I am a lord of high standing in Asgard, best friend and brother in arms with Prince Thor. My status alone would stop people from approaching you any longer but if it is spread that Thor has given his blessing of the courting…” 

“No one would want to piss off Thor by interfering in his best friend courting his sister, especially when he seems to welcome it,” Darcy finished. She didn’t look too annoyed by the idea; in fact she seemed to actually be entertaining it. 

“No.”

Steve whipped his head around to where Bucky was standing, now with Clint at his side. It was the Winter Soldier who’d spoken, not the archer, but he could sense Clint was as in complete agreement with the man beside him. 

“Excuse me?” Darcy said, blinking repeatedly at them. 

“No, she doesn’t accept your courting,” Bucky said again, staring hard at Fandral. To Steve’s confusion, the warrior didn’t seem upset or even surprised. In fact, he looked downright delighted for a second before it disappeared into cool appraisal.

“Hey!” Darcy shouted, getting the soldier’s attention. She looked and sounded outraged. “Who said you get to decide if I’m going to accept or not?” 

“You’re not courting him,” Clint, finally, spoke up firmly. He crossed his arms, scowling at Fandral a second before softening on Darcy. “You can’t, Darce.” 

“And why the hell not?” she challenged. “It sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me!”

“Because we’re going to court you.” 

All the air whooshed out of Steve’s body at the simple declaration from his best friend. His first thought was “FINALLY!” and his second was that Darcy was going to be pissed. 

He wasn’t wrong. 

“WHAT?!” she screeched and both men winced but didn’t back down. “You’re going to court me? You and birdbrain? What the hell! Why do you think I’d agree to that?! Being courted by the idiots who tease me and stalk me and ruin all three of the last…boyfriends…I…” 

“And the penny drops,” Stark muttered next to him and Steve finally snapped out of the shock that Bucky and Clint had finally manned up to snicker. Darcy was staring in absolute shock at the duo. Bucky was peeking at her from behind his hair, his face expressionless. Clint’s ears were red and he had a faint blush across the top of his cheeks. Both looked half ready to bolt, half defiant.

“Seriously?” she asked, a lot more softly than she had a minute ago. 

“Yeah,” Clint said as Bucky nodded mutely next to him. “For a while now, Darce.” 

“And you didn’t tell me this why?” 

“Didn’t seem the right time?” Clint offered. Darcy rolled her eyes. 

“And this was?” 

“You can’t be courted by him, doll,” Bucky told her. “You don’t even _like_ him.” 

Fandral’s outraged shout was ignored by pretty much everyone, though Steve saw Hogun lift a hand to cover a smile. 

“At least he had the guts to try,” she shot back, not about to make this easy on them even if she clearly was on board with the two men courting her. 

“We’re trying now,” Bucky said. Well, more like pleaded. Anyone who didn’t know him wouldn’t have heard it but Steve had. 

So, apparently, had Darcy. Her expression softened completely and she stepped forward, staring at first Bucky’s face and then Clint’s. She found whatever she’d been looking for because she rolled her eyes, fond exasperation coloring her tone. “We should go inside and talk.” 

The trio disappeared through the door, Darcy not even glancing back at Fandral. She’d probably feel bad about that later, he thought, but for now she was too distracted by her new development. 

“Well, it seems I owe Heimdall five caskets of ale,” Fandral said suddenly as the door slammed shut behind them. Steve, still in disbelief that had actually happened, that Bucky and Clint had finally pulled their heads out of their asses, stared at him. He didn’t seem upset, he sounded rueful, and he looked…smug. Too smug for someone who’d just been rejected in favor of another. Steve’s eyes narrowed as he turned to Thor and saw the warrior wasn’t the only smug one here. 

“You set that up!” he accused the god of thunder. Thor gave him a blinding grin as Stark startled next to him and Natasha and Bruce laughed.

“Heimdall, it seemed, heard me tell Jane that Barnes and Barton would make good mates to her, if they were ever able to get the courage to approach her,” he informed the Avengers.

“He mentioned it to me when we spoke and I, in turn, told them,” Sif pipped in. She seemed highly amused now, her stone expression melting away in pleasure that the plan had actually worked. “My brother thought if Fandral, who they did not like, approached and it seemed optional to her, that might be the incentive they would need.” 

“Which is why I now owe him ale,” Fandral broke in. He sounded amused but resigned. “I did not think it would work.” 

“So you didn’t actually want to court Darcy?” Natasha asked, arms crossed as she stared at him. Steve saw the man wince, the quick glance at the door in which Darcy had disappeared. Part of him, he suspected, had wanted Darcy to accept the suite, to court her. But he seemed to accept it was not to be as he gave the redhead a smile. 

“While I do greatly admire her, I fear we would not have been a good match,” he said simply. 

~~*~~

They didn’t see the trio until the next morning, long after the warriors had disappeared again. Sif remained behind, a steady presence at Steve’s side as he kept her entertained that morning while Thor took a lie in with Jane. When they finally did appear, it was in the elevator. Clint remained behind, probably going to meet with Natasha, but he gave Darcy a quick kiss on the cheek before she and Bucky stepped off. Sif finally left his side to approach Darcy and greet her properly, dragging the laughing brunette away to talk. That left Bucky to come into the kitchen alone, looking pretty damn pleased with himself. 

“Bout time,” Steve couldn’t help but say. Bucky rolled his eyes. 

“Shut it, punk.” 

“Make me, jerk.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, it’s been a LOOOOOOOOONG time since I’ve written anything and yes, I know I have a ton of fics to update. Here’s the low-down.
> 
> My personal laptop has been glitching like crazy and I haven’t had the money to fix it. It still works but trying to really do anything on it has just been a gigantic pain in a patooey so I haven’t.
> 
> “But Jadelyn, how are you writing now?” you ask. Well, it just so happens that my work laptop is working well. Unfortunately, I have been hesitant to actually do anything except work stuff on it. A colleague informed me that as long as I don’t watch porn or something, it’s not as big of a deal as I was making it to be. So I asked the tech person and she confirmed. I downloaded Scrivener (cause I ADORE that program) and here I am. Now I just have to make copies of everything on my personal laptop I’m in the middle of for this one. Until then, I don’t have anything for those to update.
> 
> In addition to all this crap, I am a teacher. I teach Reading and Writing so a good portion of my free time has been taken up by reading students works and critiquing them. I have been PAINFULLY reminded of why I never beta people when I don’t know them and their writing, lol. Seriously, I literally outline for my kids what the essay should look like and do they do it? No, they do not. Make no mistake, I love my job but they haven’t had very good instruction in either subject for a few years now (which is why I was offered the job without interviewing for it) so it’s been an uphill battle to get them back on track.
> 
> Anyway, I’m hoping to start getting everything updated again. I have a lot of ideas and hopefully I will find the time to get them on Scrivener. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Ciao!


End file.
